HE

As you came in, you clenched your trepidation fiercely and slowly ducked behind the distance you'd just created. You walked in and I said "hi" sheepishly because I feared what you were about to do. And, then you said it...but it wasn't really you. It was the veiled version of you. And, I couldn't see you but knew you were there. So I listened carefully but I couldn't look at you because I didn't want to look at the "other you". So, I listened. Quietly. I said that I didn't know how to love you in any other way and asked you if you were sure I was what you wanted and when you said yes, I finally heard you...but you were sad and desperate and I knew that I didn't want to be away from you. I told you if that if you wanted me to speak of you differently, I could try, if you didn't want to hear how much or why I love you I could try to be "more thoughtful in my manner of speaking" but that I couldn't love you in a lesser way. And, in that moment I became angry because I wanted to love you freely and that wasn't what you wanted. It wasn't fair that I couldn't love you in the way you deserve. And then that bridge, built of those words and the fear lingering on the tips of your tongue after every word you said, buttressed itself from that tender part you were hiding to my softness, wanting so badly to love you, and we met there...both afraid of all of the feeling and of being open and raw and of all the honesty but knowing what came next. And, my god, you were gorgeous. You were everything and anything all at once. You took that armament off and ceremoniously laid it down, acknowledging its service to you and how it protected you but noticing that you didn't need it. Because, I was me and you were you and we love each other in the way we both want to be loved and despite the fear, the real was better than walking around with that grey, thick film over our eyes. And you breathed and surrendered and I did too. And now we have the rest of it, life and time and spaciousness, to learn together and be with eachother and play music and walk hand in hand. And, now I lean into you and you to me.